I heard my 7-year-old son’s cries of frustration loud and clear despite the closed door between us. Seconds earlier, I’d left him stationed at a desk in my bedroom, hoping he’d complete at least a portion of his virtual school assignments without me at his side while I left to wash the dishes.

“This is so BORING,” he groaned. Finishing each of his math problems required enduring an animated character’s long-winded ovations and cheers. The work was easy for him, but the system didn’t allow him to zip through it. Pulling up a chair, I sat with him in solidarity as he finished up.

Remote learning is daunting for most parents; it’s particularly thorny when your child has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. As I tried to guide my son through his online lessons over the course of the pandemic, I began to see parallels between his struggles and my own. While hyperactivity was never an issue for me, we had many other traits in common: impulsivity, distractibility, lack of organization and low frustration tolerance — all key signs of A.D.H.D.

Primary school was easy for me; from third grade on, I was enrolled in gifted classes and earned straight A’s. Nonetheless, I recall many tear-laden homework sessions where exasperation over a tricky math problem threw me into emotional overload.

During study sessions, I often became disinterested and zoned out, rereading sections of text until I could focus enough to absorb the information. I attributed my difficulties to character flaws: I was spacey and forgetful, a master procrastinator lacking drive and ambition.

Though I received an academic scholarship and entered college with a 4.2 grade point average and 15 credits from Advanced Placement classes, my performance at university was subpar. Lacking structure, it was tough for me to stick to any semblance of routine. In large lecture halls where I was an unknown in a sea of students, I floundered. I changed my major five times and eventually lost my scholarship. I never imagined an underlying neurological disorder was at play.

People who have A.D.H.D. but who do relatively well in school often don’t get diagnosed until later in life, said Lidia Zylowska,

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